Tuesday, 4 June 2013

BUT I FAIL!



I sit alone on the pew
In the cold gloomy chapel
Fingering the wooden Rosary beads
As I try to murmur the Litany
But I FAIL!

A lump forms in my throat
Eyes start smarting
I furiously blink tears away
As I try to whisper the Novena
But I FAIL!

The more I fight the tears,
The more they fall,
Falling hard onto the words I have scribbled
Bloating the letters
As I try to write a sweet Ode to you
But I FAIL!

I can barely see through my tears,
My hand is shaking terribly
Yet I keep on scribbling away
Anguish gushes out of my broken soul
Onto the paper,
My melancholy bubbles over
And spills out as hot salty tears.

I can’t imagine you gone
I can’t stand the idea of having your body in the bowels of the earth
I don’t want to say ‘I miss you’
For I don’t want to believe you are gone.
I loved you, still do
There is discord in our lives now….
This ain’t easy
This ain’t easy
This ain’t easy
This is HAAAARD!





Sunday, 2 June 2013

Here I am,




Here I am,
At that place with no name,
were 1+1 is no longer 2,
but 3 or worse still zero,
where answers are no-longer in black or white,
but all shades of grey,
where pain becomes your shadow,
tears quench your thirst,
melancholy becomes your staple,
i am here,
grasping in the dark,
for some kind of sanity,
wish i were devoid of all emotion,
than to feel this crushing anguish,
wish i could go numb,
and indifferent,
till my poor heart is completely mended.

Grave - Side Tears :'(

Dear Ma
It’s me again,
I have brought you your favorite flowers,
I bought these from Cece’s florist,
Couldn’t get any from our own flower garden
Cause all the flowers there have wilted,
The roses have lost their petals,
The chrysanthemums have lost their colour
Even the bees no longer buzz near the kitchen window.

Word is,
It’s so quiet here without you Ma,
So cold that the hot embers of the fire,
Can’t thaw the ice encasing my heart
And so lonely that even if a million people fill the house,
The loneliness can’t go away.

I’m so scared Ma,
Cause the world suddenly looms big in front of me,
And you aren’t there to hold my hand,
When I cross the busy streets of life.